Missing you
by COOPERZ
Summary: Just a little one shot about Tim Speedle's widow and how she adapts to life without him. Lyrics are on first pgae, intro is on the second and the actual oneshot is on the third.
1. Chapter 1

**If I Could Be Where You Are lyrics**Where are you this moment?only in my 're missing, but you're alwaysa heartbeat from me.I'm lost now without you,I don't know where you are.I keep watching, I keep hoping,but time keeps us apartIs there a way I can find you,is there a sign I should know,is there a road I could followto bring you back home?Winter lies before menow you're so far the darkness of my dreamingthe light of you will stayIf I could be close beside youIf I could be where you areif I could reach out and touch youand bring you back homeIs there a way I can find youIs there a sign I should knowIs there a road I could followto bring you back home to me

**Avenged SevenfoldVictim lyrics**

House full of rosesA letter on the stairsA tape full of messages for anyone who caresCollage of broken wordsAnd stories full of tearsRemembering your lifeCause we wish that you were hereNothing is harderThan to wake up all aloneRealize it's not okayIt's the end of all you knowTime keeps passing byBut it seems I'm frozen stillScars are left behindBut some too deep to feelAnd some say this can't be realAnd I've lost my power to feel, tonightWe're all just victims of a crimeWhen all is gone and can't be regainedWe can't seem to shelter the pain insideWe're all just victims of a crimeSomedays you'll find meIn a place I like to goAsk questions to myselfBout the thing I'll never knowWhat's left to findCause I need a little moreI need a little timeCan we even up the score?And some say this can't be realAnd I've lost my power to feel, tonightWe're all just victims of a crimeWhen all is gone and can't be regainedWe can't seem to shelter the pain insideWe're all just victims of a crimeAnd nothing lasts foreverFor all good things it's trueI'd rather trade it allWhile somehow saving youIt must have been the seasonThat threw us out of lineOnce I stood so tallNow I'm searching for a signSo don't need your salvationWith promises unkindAnd all the speculationsSave it for another time

Cause we all need a reasonA reason just to stayAnd Some just can't be botheredTo stick around another dayAnd some say this can't be realAnd I've lost my power to feel, tonightWe've all just victims of a crimeWhen all is gone and can't be regainedWe can't seem to shelter the pain insideWe've all been victims of a crimeVictims of a crimeLiving with this crimeI'm missing you (x4)


	2. Chapter 2

Ok so I'm going to use the lyrics of a couple songs to help write the story. Review let me know if its working.

Disclaimer: I do not own CSI Miami

Introduction

Her heart pumped hard and fast. Hearing the dispatcher's voice come over the radio was nothing new but when the dispatcher said the address of the jewellery store Horatio and Tim were checking out both Calleigh and Lena's hearts stopped. Lena flicked the lights and sirens on before pulling a very large U-turn in the middle of the road. Lena's foot pressed the pedal own to the floor, for her the car wasn't going fast enough. Calleigh on the other hand held tightly onto the dash and roof while watching her partner with wide eyes.

"Lena!" The dark haired woman didn't respond.

"Lena slow down!"

The car jerked as Lena turned around the corner.

"Lena you're scaring me!" Calleigh yelled wincing as they narrowly missed a parked car. Finally the woman looked over at Calleigh with tears in her eyes.

"He's there Calleigh! Tim is at that shop with H. What if it's him? Hold on we're almost there!"

Calleigh thanked god when she saw the jewellery store in front of them. When the car violently stopped Lena jumped out of the car and ran into the store. The second she entered the store her heart broke. There laying in a pool of his own blood was Tim Speedle, love of her life. Horatio held a hand to the man's chest trying in vain to keep the blood from pouring out.

"No, no, no" she shook her head

"Tim?"

Lena dove to the floor where they sat. She saw the lifeless look on his face and felt his wet, wounded chest.

"Oh god. Tim. Please wake up, please" Crying she pulled him onto her lap. She held onto him hoping that this was some sort of sick joke and he'd wake up laughing at her.

Horatio watched the distraught woman hold onto the young man he thought of as a son. He stayed close not wanting to abandon Tim nor Lena.

Calleigh stood in the doorway trying not to cry for her dear friends. She sniffed as she heard the sound of Alex's heels approach her.

"OH no not Timmy. That poor baby." Alex said before approaching the scene.

Lena rocked back and forth holding Tim's body in her arms. Lena didn't acknowledge Alex was there because that would mean it was official, he was dead. Alex bent down and touched Lena's shoulder.

"Baby, you need to let me take him. I promise to take really good care of him."

Lena looked at the woman. Alex's breath left her chest when she saw the pain in the woman's eyes, the tears flowed down her face like water out of a faucet.

"Can I go with you?" Lena asked in a small, quiet whisper. Alex tried to hold in the tears as she shook her head

"No Honey. You need to go with Horatio and get cleaned up. You know I'll take care of him." Lena nodded but remained sitting there. Alex gave the woman another minute before she talked again

"Lena you can't watch this."

Leaving Tim was the hardest thing she had ever done before. It felt like she was physically tearing her heart out of her chest and leaving it on the floor. When she turned around anger built up instantly. Standing next to Horatio was IAB agent Rick Stetler. Lena joined them glaring at the IAB agent

"What the hell are you doing here? It hasn't even been an hour. You're a sick vulture."

"Lena" Horatio warned in a soothing voice. Rick cleared his throat

"Because of the situation I'm willing to overlook that little outburst." Lena glared at him

"OH go to hell" She said before walking outside.

The world seemed to blurred into one, foggy, unclear image. She couldn't see anyone,or hear anyone. When the world felt like it stopped spinning Lena looked up to see she was in observation room above the autopsy lab. Looking down Alex was crying over Tim's body. It was pale and weak looking, very unlike Tim. As soon as the blade touched Tim's skin making the red blood seep through Lena felt her insides churn. She didn't realize she was throwing up until someone touched her back. Once done she turned to see Horatio.

"Lena I'm-" He started in his soft voice

"Do we have anything new on the boy?" she interrupted. He looked at her sympathetically but still went on

"Pete Keller. The wife's ex boyfriend and partner in a fraud ring. She claims to have fallen in love with the victim and cut off all contact with Keller. I'm going to talk to him again."

Lena nodded

"I'm going to get cleaned up then I'm going with you. I want to find this kid alive so Tim's death isn't in vain. I'll meet up with you when I'm done"

In the showers Lena peeled the blood soaked clothes off of her body then stepped under the scalding, hot, stream of water. She scrubbed furiously to get the blood from her skin. Sadly she watched as the blood of her fiancé swirling down the drain at her feet. For a long unknown time she stood there replaying the day in her head. Together they had gotten up, showered and left for work. It seemed like any other day and now it was the worst day of her life. Stepping out of the shower she walked over to the locker room and pulled on most of her clothes while starring at his locker. Opening the metal door she saw what was left of Timothy Speedle: a leather jacket, an extra shirt, watch, motorcycle helmet and of course the keys and a picture of them together on the beach. Slowly her hand took the shirt from the hook and pulled it on over her skin.


	3. Chapter 3

Ok so the songs I'm going to use are Victim- Avenged Sevenfold, If I could be where you are-Enya. Songs are going to be posted as their own page.

Chapter 1

_House full of roses_

_A letter on the stairs_

_A tape full of messages for anyone who cares_

_Collage of broken wordsAnd stories full of tears _

_Remembering your life _

_ Cause we wish that you were here_

Lena laid in bed holding tightly onto Tim's pillow. For the past three days, she had stayed up there trying to wake up from this nightmare. Lifting herself up Lena walked over to the mirror to see her reflection. It didn't look like her; she was a strong, glowing woman that always had a smile painted on her face. Instead, her reflection showed a destroyed woman; her long hair was greasy and knotted at the ends, her eyes were dry, red and swollen and her skin was pale. Summoning the energy Lena walked down the stairs to see her house overtaken by sympathy flowers and cards from anyone that knew Tim. She walked over to her answering machine to find 30 messages waiting for her. She walked away knowing that all of them were faceless people calling to send their condolences that or Eric calling for the hundredth time to check up on her.

Trying to stop herself from crawling back into the big empty bed Lena walked over to the cabinet full of DVDs. Her fingers ran across the spines of the cases looking for one that didn't bring up any memories. Her fingers stopped on a blank case, she had never seen a blank case in the DVDs before. Taking into her hands, she opened the case and put the disc into the player.

The TV came to life showing Tim with a tux on that was just a bit to big for him. The camera moved and turned to a smiling Eric.

"Lena for some odd reason this moron over here" The camera went back to Tim who was playful glaring at Eric

"Wants to marry you. So I thought it would be a great idea to record our end of the process. Tim would you like to say anything?" Tim smiled at the camera

"I love you Lena but I might kill your best friend." The men laughed as the camera went back to Eric

"As you can see the tux we ordered for your groom is a little too big for him. That is why we are running late so don't yell at us or at least me."

Lena sat back and watched the video in wonder. She watched how alive Tim seemed in the video. She had hardly seen him smile in public except for when he was with her. When the screen went black Lena jumped up scared it was over until Tim's face came back onto the screen. He looked behind him then back to the screen.

"Lena I can't wait to marry you. I know I already wake up holding you but now I get to die holding you too. You have no idea how much I love you. Before I was an empty shell of a man just walking around the world but not really living. The day I met you was the day I started to live. You make me smile more than anyone else has and you understand me which is really appreciated."

He chuckled as Eric started yelling about his camera being stolen.

"As you can see I've been found out. I'll see you soon. I love you"

Lena scrambled to get the remote. The tears washed down her body as she rewound the movie trying to get Tim back. She watched the video over and over again just wanting to keep him with her talking. After the tenth time of watching the screen go blank Lena caught her reflection the in TV. Shaking her head she went into the shower.

_Where are you this moment?_

_only in my 're missing, but you're alwaysa heartbeat from me._

_I'm lost now without you,I don't know where you are._

_I keep watching, I keep hoping,but time keeps us apart_

The water flowed over her body washing the dirt of day's worth of grief. The pain stayed by at least now her hair was clean. She hummed while her head stayed under the cascade of water. When a familiar touch was on her shoulder Lena's head lifted out of the water but she still stood facing the wall.

"Tim?" She whispered putting a hand on top of his. She felt him kissed the back of her head

"I love it when you hum your crazy songs," He said with a smile in his voice.

Lena smiled and turned around to find the shower empty. Shaking her head Lena stepped out of the shower and wrapped Tim's favourite towel around her body. Walking into their quiet room Lena opened the closet and pulled on another one of his button up shirts. She brought the collar to her face and inhaled his scent.

_Nothing is harder Than to wake up all alone_

_Realize it's not okay It's the end of all you know_

_Time keeps passing by But it seems I'm frozen still_

_Scars are left behind But some too deep to feel_

When Lena woke up the sun was high and hot. She got off the bed to close the blinds but her eye was caught by something shining at her. Looking at the closet she left open Lena caught sight of the Wedding dress that was hanging on the inside of the closet door. She never got to where it, her last workday before the wedding ended up not only killing Tim but her as well. Her hand touched the soft fabric with appreciation. Her wedding day ended up being the day of Tim's funeral and instead of this gorgeous dress that made her feel so happy she wore a black dress that she couldn't stand to see anymore.

When Eric walked into the house he could smell the rotting flowers and gift baskets that went unnoticed by the widower. He set the mail on the table by the door and went in search of his friend. When he found her his heart broke even more than it already was. Lena was wearing her wedding dress and veil passed out in front of the TV watching the video he and Tim made for her with a bottle of Jack Daniels, her favourite.

Eric crouched down next to her and took the bottle from her hand.

"Lena. Come on wake up" She groaned and shook her head

"I don't want to Eric. It hurts too much." She opened her eyes and looked at him sadly. He put a hand on her cheek and wiped the tears away

"We need you. You're not the only one hurting. I picture him at work all day long." She looked into his wounded eyes. She saw the same pain that filled her own. She sat up and stretched

"What day is it?" She asked taking off her veil

"Saturday" She looked at him with shock

"It's only been two days?" Eric pulled her into his chest

"It's been three weeks."

_Is there a way I can find you,_

_is there a sign I should know,_

_is there a road I could followto bring you back home?_

For the first time since that tragic day Lena walked towards the trace lab she and Tim had shared. Expecting it to be empty she pulled on her lab jacket and walked right in. To her surprise there sat a young man looking over a folder of crime scene photos.

"Who are you?" She asked in a hard tone.

The young man looked up at her with shock. His blue eyes examined her as he stood up and held out his hand.

"Ryan Wolfe." She ignored his stretched out hand. Instead she put her hands on her hips and glared at him

"What are you doing in my trace lab?" Ryan crossed his arms, coughed and looked around nervously. Both Horatio and Calleigh warned him about Lena's short temper and sharp tongue.

"I'm the new CSI. My speciality is Trace analysis."

Without saying a word to him Lena stormed out of the lab and sought out the leader of their team. She found Horatio standing next to Valera in DNA. When she stormed in both looked at her worried.

"How could you replace me? You were the one that demanded I took time off!" Lena yelled at Horatio

Calmly Horatio stood there absorbing her anger. He looked down to the glasses in his hands then back up at her.

"Mr. Wolfe isn't your replacement…" The realization was visible on her face like a light bulb went off in her head.

"OH. He's Tim's replacement" She whispered. She touched Horatio's arm

"I'm sorry." She apologize before leaving the room

_And some say this can't be real And I've lost my power to feel, tonight_

_We're all just victims of a crime_

After a week since her return to the lab Lena marched up to an unsuspecting Horatio who was enjoying the sunlight outside of the lab walls. He turned to her with his blank face.

"Lena what can I do for you?" He asked taking his glasses off of his face, Lena looked livid but she tried to calm herself down

"I want Wolfe. Nobody else wants to train a rookie so I will. Only catch is I only work with you or Wolfe. I'm sick of the looks I keep getting from everyone in this lab. Even Eric keeps looking at me with pity, or sympathy or whatever the sad little widow look is. I'm sick of it and if one more person asks me if I'm ok I might shoot them."

Horatio nodded his head slowly and hailed Ryan Wolfe, who left Horatio's side once Lena stepped out of the front doors, back over. Ryan hesitantly stood next to Lena while addressing Horatio.

"What would you like Horatio?" Ryan asked his eyes darting from Lena to Horatio.

"Mr. Wolfe, Lena here has agreed to take you under her wing. She's one of the best trace analysts. She is your mentor, follow what she says and learn everything she knows." Horatio bent his head by Lena's ear

"Go easy on him" He said before putting on his aviators and leaving.

Lena turned to Ryan

"Look here Pup-"

"Actually it's wo…" Ryan's voice died in his throat when he saw the icy look coming from Lena

"Look here Pup I am not your mother, girlfriend or general friend. I am your mentor. You do as I tell you and you don't stray. You are only working with me from now on. If anyone else tells you to do something on a case you are not working or something they themselves should be doing tell them that Lena gave you direct orders not to. They can come to me and I will take care of it. Don't call me any nicknames, you either call me Detective Bennett or you call me Lena. Don't be late and I like my frappuccino in the morning with extra whipped cream. See you bright and early tomorrow morning. Get some sleep you're going to need it."

She walked away leaving him gaping at her cold attitude.

_When all is gone and can't be regained_

_We can't seem to shelter the pain inside_

_We're all just victims of a crime_

On their way to a scene Lena drove the large Hummer down the highway with the music blaring loud enough to drown out Wolfe's curious glances. As the strong rock song ended a soft balled began to play. As the beautiful voice carried the lyrics to Lena's ear she felt her chest tighten. She had been holding in every emotion but anger in. She promised herself that no one would see her cry once she started work again. Half way through the song Lena broke down and pulled over. She felt the wave of sorrow hit her again and again as the sad song made her picture Tim's funeral. Ryan worriedly turned off the radio and put a hand on her back softly.

"Want me to drive?" He asked quietly. Lena nodded but said nothing. Both got out and switched places in the vehicle.

As they drove the tears fell less and less until she stopped crying altogether. Wiping the salty water from her face she looked over at the young man she been tormenting for the past 6 months. She had been trying to keep herself from feeling anything but contempt for him. She wiped her nose then took a breath.

"I won't tell anybody" He said before she could open her mouth. Letting a small smile form on her face she nodded

"Thank you Ryan"

_Somedays you'll find me In a place I like to go_

_Ask questions to myself Bout the thing I'll never know_

_What's left to find Cause I need a little more_

_I need a little time Can we even up the score?_

Lena stood at the overgrown grave. The shiny, smooth, light stone reflecting the light into her face like it was winking at her in the Tim Speedle fashion. She placed the flowers she had bought in the stone vase connected to the Tombstone. She was still, she let the presence of him flow through her.

"What do I do now?" She asked the wind. She sunk down to the ground as if she were sitting with him.

"It's been a long time but it still feels like you were here holding me yesterday. I see you everywhere I go. I keep having these flashbacks and it hurts to relive you. Is it supposed to hurt?"

"I finally found a reason to get up. The new guy Wolfe, he'd be lost without me there to tell him what to do." She chuckled

"It's nice to have someone that depends on me, even if it is just for a bit. I really miss you."

_And nothing lasts forever_

_For all good things it's true_

_I'd rather trade it all While somehow saving you_

_It must have been the season That threw us out of line_

_Once I stood so tall Now I'm searching for a sign_

Lena woke up feeling like a cement block was strapped to her chest. She did her daily routine of getting ready, she ate, showered and did her hair before going into her room to change. Just as she was pulling her pants on Lena heard her phone ring. When she flipped it open she found a text from Eric

**If you need to take today off I can cover for you. **

Frowning Lena flipped through her phone until she found a calendar. Today was the first anniversary of Tim's Death. The phone fell to the bed and tears welled up in her eyes. She sat on her bed crying until a knock at the door caught her attention. Her phone rang signalling another text, only this one was from Ryan.

**Come get the door. My hands are full of star bucks**

Looking over at her bedside stand where a picture of Tim sat she smiled.

"Thanks Tim. I love you" She whispered before pulling on one of his shirts from a still full closet.

_So don't need your salvation_

_With promises unkind And all the speculations_

_Save it for another time_

In the locker room Eric cornered Lena.

"Hey how are you feeling?" He asked. Lena narrowed her eyes and slammed her locker shut

"I was fine until you reminded me what today was." Eric pulled her into a hug even though she fought.

"I'm not taking the bait. I'm not going to fight with you. You're allowed to cry"

Forgetting about where she was and who she was with Lena felt the pressure on her chest lift a tiny bit as a few tears escaped her eyes.

"It will be ok. You'll make it through this" Lena roughly pushed Eric away.

"How do you know! How can you possibly know if it will all turn out ok? You don't so don't going say it will be. It will never be ok for me again." Lena screamed through tears before she ran out.

_Cause we all need a reason_

_A reason just to stay _

_And Some just can't be bothered To stick around another day_

Lena sat there on the anniversary of Tim's death with a bottle of Jack in her hand and her gun and badge on the table . She held Tim's photo in her other hand. She took a swing and placed the bottle down. She put Tim's picture on the table looking at her. Taking her trusty gun into her shaking hands Lena didn't cry. For the first time she didn't let a tear run down her face. She took the gun and put it to her temple. The cool steel against her hot skin. She closed her eyes but before her finger could squeeze the trigger somebody banged on her door. Putting the gun down she got up and walked over to the door and swung it open to reveal Ryan.

"What are you doing here?" She asked shortly. Ryan smiled at her

"Grabbing you. You need to get away for a bit so I'm taking you camping for a weekend." Lena's face dropped

"My god you're serious aren't you?" Ryan gave her a large smile

"Yeah so lets go. Grab your gear and we can go."

Ryan drove them to a place Lena knew to well. They stopped at Tim's graveyard. Lena looked over at Ryan with fire in her eyes

"Why are we here?" She asked. Ryan brought a boutique from the backseat of his car and opened his door.

"You're not the only one that wants to visit him." He said knowingly. A pang of guilt hit Lena. Her eyes never left Ryan as he walked up to the tombstone. He talked to the stone as he placed the flowers in the vase. He said something before returning back to the car. When he sat in the driver's seat he looked at her and smiled again.

"You ready to go camping?" She nodded her head

"Yeah I think I am," She said before putting her hand into his.


End file.
